[ This dungeon is a lot more different than the other two. Maybe training here isn't that great of a job because they only really fought Shadows once. At least that was useful in letting her know that they should really invest in getting some weapons in case they can't use their Personas. ]
I don't see the way that we came in, but there are two doors. Maybe one of them will lead outside.
[ It won't. It'll only lead to more trauma, but they don't know that. Rei will try to help Toki up to his feet. Ananke and Zhn are still out as a precaution, but they stick back to let Rei lead. ]
[Toki has come to a similar conclusion that weapons are definitely needed. He gave his claw gloves to Red, but Toki thinks he'd be better off with something like a bat now anyway. A longer reach.]
[ She holds onto his hand as she leads him through one of the two doors, but when they enter, she won't be holding it anymore. She completely vanishes from his side and Ananke and Zhn disappear with her. The silence of the dungeon is replaced with the faint noise of a busy building. Footsteps, chatter, squeaky wheels turning, they sound close yet also muffled, as if they're behind a closed door. Toki will find something long and silky in his hands. It's bundled together with a ribbon tied to one end. It almost feels like the tips of a paintbrush, soft and thin on the other end. Should he reach outwards, he'll find the foot of a bed in front of him, long and with thin sheets. Behind him is open space, but on the right is a person. ]
"Niko-chan? We have something for you."
[ It's a woman's voice. She speaks from Toki's right, but directed towards the bed. There is soft rustling as the person in the bed moves and a small freak of the bed as they sit up. ]
[This was the wrong door. The noises could be from almost any place, except maybe the wheels. He doesn't think there's enough of them in the background for this to be a store of some sort. And there's no overhead music. He's trying not to panic, unconsciously clutching at whatever's in his hand.
It must be important if he has it. Toki used to paint, and he does think of a paintbrush when he first feels that end. It's softer, though, like it would flop over easily if trying to paint anything with it; not stiff enough. But somehow it feels very familiar, the texture and the way it glides over his fingers. He doesn't move right away, and the woman speaks before he finds the bed.
Niko. Toki's hand curls tighter around what he thinks is a piece of Rei's hair. Apart from running his hands through the hair she has now, he'd also touched the lock with the morgue key on it when he and 45 went into Rei's Shadow dungeon. The squeaky wheels make sense now. It's a hospital. Toki finally reaches out towards the bed when he hears Rei, or Niko, there.]
Rei?
[Whatever memories she has of this place, they can't be good. Not if her mind made a dungeon of it.]
[ He doesn't get a response. Not immediately, at least. The woman to his right moves her foot to nudge against Toki's. Don't reach out like that, she silently tries to convey to him while not making it obvious to the occupant of the bed. ]
... what is it?
[ It's Rei's voice, flat and tired. There's not a hint of energy or emotion that she normally carries, whether it's positive or negative. It's just like how it was in her dungeon, like how it with Niko. It's not clear whether or not she's replying to Toki or the woman, but the latter assumes that it's her. ]
"We saved you a lock of your hair, while it was still long and pretty. We thought it might cheer you up."
[ The woman nudges Toki with her foot again. He has the hair. He has to present it to Rei. ]
[Toki draws his hand back for the moment. That voice makes him sad. Like Niko in the dungeon, it's hollow and not even like she's given up, but like she doesn't even have the strength to do that much.
He doesn't want to give that hair to her. It was in the dungeon, this is something that hurt her, this moment. But if it's like what just happened to him, Rei can't escape this until it's over, and he won't draw it out.]
Rei.. Niko, I...
[His steps are slow, and he trails one hand along the side of the bed until he reaches her. Toki holds out the hair somewhere in front of Rei.]
[ There's a long silence. The lock of hair isn't taken. There is absolutely no reaction. For a long time, it seems like it'd be that way, but she eventually whispers something. ]
... why...
[ It's soft, almost impossible to hear, but her voice quickly explodes into anger. Bitter and accusatory anger as she grips the blankets with whatever little strength and energy she has left. She directs her fury at the one closest to her, at Toki. ]
[He's never heard Rei like this. Even when she yelled at him about flirting and sex, it wasn't... this. He drops the hair, no longer wanting to touch it. Toki's trying so hard not to let her tone and her words get to him, because they're not for him.]
[ Toki's words are ignored. She only responds to the memory, to the person that Toki replaced. ]
[ "No, we just thought that you'd like something to remember--" ]
Liar! You don't care about me! You never did!
[ Niko's life was filled with nothing but misery, hate, and jealousy. Unlike Rei, who spent most of her existence smiling and laughing and learning to love life, Niko spent most of her days screaming and being bitter towards everyone and everything. Even towards those who tried to help her, she lashed out and pushed them away. As a child, she was kinder and more hopeful about her situation, but as she grew older, she lost those qualities and became nothing but resentful and spiteful. ]
[It hurts to hear that bitterness in her voice, that anger. It's not the Rei he knows. He has to keep telling himself that she doesn't mean it. This is a memory. Is he supposed to leave?
Even if he was, he can't. Toki tentatively reaches out for Niko, not expecting it to do any good and maybe she'd hit him, but he can't just leave when she's upset.]
I won't get out! You can't make me leave you! I... I know you're hurt and sad and maybe everything feels hopeless, but... you have a future!
[Though there's emotion and truth in it, it may ring hollow and fake to Niko; a placating promise of a good end when she knows otherwise.]
[ She begins to tremble. Tears begin to fall, half from Niko and half from Rei. ]
[ In the memory, back when this happened, Niko cried for the rest of the night. They had to shave off her hair, the only thing that she was proud to have, for surgery. That wasn't even a guarantee that the operation would go well or if it'd work, but the doctor said that he was the best so what little choice did she have? She wanted so desperately to leave that she'd even take any chances, but she still had the right to mourn over her hair. The nurses thought saving a bit of it would cheer her up so she could have hope that she can grow it out again after the surgery and that it'd be just as long and beautiful as it was before but it only reminded her of another thing that she lost in her life. In the end, she was never able to throw it away and kept it until she died a few days later. She cried profusely. ]
[ But Rei isn't crying for those exact same reasons right now. It hurts, of course, to relive one of her lowest moments and go through those ugly feelings once again, but it hurts so much more that she's forced to take out her old anger on Toki. He hasn't done anything wrong. He's just an innocent bystander, just like how she was when she had to go through his memories. She wishes that she could stop, but she can't, not even when he's trying so hard. Rather than being able to take his hand, she slaps it away instead. ]
I said get out! Leave me alone!
[ The woman, one of the nurses, steps in and places a hand on Toki's arm. She whispers. ]
"Let's go."
[ Toki won't be able to stay. He'll find himself being forced to leave, gently pulled away from the bed. ]
[No! He wants to shout it at Rei, at the nurse, but nothing comes out. He follows the nurse as she leads him away. Walking in the opposite direction from Rei's crying breaks his heart. He wants to hold her and comfort her, but he's not even strong enough to turn back.]
[ The nurse opens the door and steps through, leading Toki by the arm, but just like the previous doorway, she disappears. The hand vanishes and he's left in yet another unknown building. Unlike the previous one that was filled with muffled mundane noises of life, this one's silent. Asides from the faint creaking of old floorboards underneath his feet, there will be not a single sound. The area is wide and long and it'll take multiple steps to reach a wall full of windows, a sliding door, or stairs. This is Yasogami High School, or at least a copy made in the Sea of Souls. This would have been the school that Rei would have gone to, if she was healthy and alive. ]
[ Toki is rooted to a singular spot. He can move his head and speak, but everything else is frozen. He arrived in the middle of a memory with a conversation that had already started minutes ago. Rei speaks. ]
"You can do it, Niko-chan"... I... thought I did my best. But I wonder if I had to try harder...
[ Her voice is sullen and defeated. She's nearby, somewhere in front of Toki, but steps away. If not for the silence for the building, it may have been impossible to hear her. ]
... "In peace..." That's so cruel when she's still alive... I bet... I bet she's laughing, happy to be alive...!
[ Her voice begins to twist into that same shade of anger and bitterness in the hospital room, but with a heavy undertone of anguish. The sound of a sheet of paper being crumpled up is heard. ]
It's not fair! Why only me?! Why was I born?! Why... Why did I have to be born?! I have nothing! No friends, no parents, not even my health! I prayed to God every day and not one prayer was granted! Why do I even exist?! What was the point of my life...?!
[ Loud thumps echo throughout the hallway as she falls to the ground, on her knees and hands, hysterically crying. Zen was able to say absolutely nothing to comfort her, nothing to apologize for pushing her to her limit. He was unable to come up with an answer to her questions, only letting her sob on the floor as he stood and watched. Toki may speak and give her what Zen could not, but it wouldn't matter. Even if this wasn't a memory and she wasn't reenacting what happened previously, she was too far gone to listen. ]
[The hand on his arm is just... gone, and the atmosphere feels different. The ambient noise of the hospital giving way to an almost ominous silence to him. He can't seem to move from his position, and his breath is so loud in the quiet until he hears Rei's voice. She's blaming herself for something, not succeeding at something despite trying her best. It's a feeling Toki knows well... but the next words stop him before he even tries to call out to her. When she's still alive... then who's dead?
This time, the emotions in her voice only make Toki angry, wanting something or someone to blame for hurting her like this. The last words hit him hard; what was the point. Was. He still can't move, though he wants desperately to run to her.]
Rei!
[The possibility that she died is something he can't bear to think about right now, so he focuses on the rest of it. Maybe none of it will help, and this is all so confusing. He tries to be heard over her sobbing.]
You... You exist because you were meant to! I know sometimes that it's hard to think that you have a place in the world when it's never given you anything but pain! I used to think there was nothing too! No reason for anything! But it's not true! It's not fair, for one person to go through so much, but it- it makes every good moment worth more! And you don't know it now, but you'll have things that make you happy! People who love you! Your life isn't pointless! You weren't a mistake!
[He's not sure what he's going for by the end, because the thought he tried to push away keeps coming back. Rei, Niko, died. She's dead.]
[ Rei wishes that Toki didn't have to find out about her death like this. It was going to come out eventually, whether it was through her or through either Terry or Kido, but she wanted to one day find the courage to tell him herself. To apologize for not saying anything sooner and leading him to believe that their fantasy life in Inaba could be possible. She said that they should always be honest with each other, but she's the one who hid this big secret from him. He's too sweet. Saying all these nice things to her while she lied through omission. Tears still continue to stream down her face, but she goes silent as he yells. ]
[ It's a few seconds before any sort of noise can be heard again and it's the creaking of old floor tiles as she sits up onto her knees. There's a hitch in her breath and her voice returns back to its quiet and emotionless tone. ]
... Thank you, Mr. Death. For showing me this place. But I didn't want to see it. Everyone else gets to come here every day, but I... I'm going to die alone...
[ But yet again, she descends into a loud hysteria. A wild rush of desperation and pleading mixes in and she finally breaks. ]
This is too cruel! That's enough... I've had enough! Hurry up and kill me! Take me away right now! I don't want to see this anymore...!!
[ Toki will find himself able to now move, but the moment that he's unfrozen, Rei has already put her hands to her face. Her method of gouging out her eyes is far more animalistic than Toki's. She doesn't care about removing them. They can stay in for all she cares. She just doesn't want to see this school or Zen, the person that Toki replaced, anymore. She'll claw and dig and crush until they're nothing but mangled pieces of irreparable organs. Then, she'll find a way to kill herself. She's nothing but a soul, but a soul can still be harmed. It can still return to the sea battered and injured and if Death refuses to take her, she'll do whatever it takes to ensure that her soul will be broken beyond repair. ]
[ Zen only managed to stop her rampage by stealing her memories, giving her no reason to maim and kill herself. That's how Rei was born, after everything that made her Niko was taken away for twelve years. ]
[The panicked and desperate tone in Rei's voice fills Toki with such fear, but he's able to go to her. His intention was to hug her, but she's clawing at her face. Toki slides his hands up her arms to grab her wrists. Something warm and viscous runs slowly down his fingers and he realizes what she's doing.]
Rei, no, please!
[He's crying already, and trying to pull her hands away from her eyes. What's left of them. The knowledge that this actually happened, that this was Rei's life before Hirajiro; it's too much. He wasn't supposed to know about this.]
[ Physical pain means nothing to her. Nothing is comparable to the amount of anguish that she's going through. She was distraught to learn that she died, but at least she was in such a state of shock and despair that she couldn't speak or act. If Zen never tried to get her to talk by showing her what she couldn't have and let her go through the items in her casket, she would have never resorted to this. Her vision would be intact and blood and thin strippings of her eyes wouldn't be staining her hands. Toki is able to stop her before she can cause any more damage and that's enough for her to stop playing the act of Niko. This is where Niko ends and thus, this is where the memory ends as well. ]
T... Tokidoki...
[ She's still sobbing, tears mixed in with blood, but the fight in her is gone. She doesn't resist his hands around her wrist and instead, her arms go dead. For the first time since they entered through the wrong door, she addresses him properly. The stairs leading up glow a faint blue, but neither of them will know that. She can't see and she has so many regrets. She doesn't have any more energy in her to do anything else but limply kneel on the floor. ]
[There's only a short-lived sense of relief that Rei knows him and can speak to him. His hands and hers are still covered with blood and the remains of her eyes. She's crying, and Toki starts too when all she does is slump like all her energy is gone.
He releases her wrists, and pulls her close into a hug. It can't help at all, but he needs to feel her, to know she's still here, even a little. It's over, isn't it? There should be a door. For the first time in Rei's memory, Toki remembers Joroko and tries to summon her now to tell them how to get out.]
[ Her arms fall to her side and she can't do anything but just rest against Toki, staining his shirt with tears and blood. Joroko can be summoned. Ananke and Zhn could come out as well, but she's too mentally drained for that so they never make their appearance. ]
[Joroko appears, and the door is easily found. She will be both of their eyes for now.]
"I'll take you to the door, Toki."
[Toki nods, but he doesn't move to get up. He can't pick up Rei while he's kneeling, and might drop her on the way to the door. Joroko sighs, but it's not one of exasperation, only sadness. She gathers them in a web net and slowly drags it to the door. It opens and they continue into the dungeon hallway.]
[ Rei's drained. She already was after they finished with Toki's memories. She was ready to leave but then they went through her memories and that pushed her over. She passes out sometime during the journey out of the dungeon. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flowerclips) wrote2019-08-07 07:12 pm
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[Whether or not this conversation makes Rei's memories easier to experience remains unknown.]
Do you want to leave the dungeon?
[They came here for training, not trauma, and they can go back anytime Rei wants.]
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[ This dungeon is a lot more different than the other two. Maybe training here isn't that great of a job because they only really fought Shadows once. At least that was useful in letting her know that they should really invest in getting some weapons in case they can't use their Personas. ]
I don't see the way that we came in, but there are two doors. Maybe one of them will lead outside.
[ It won't. It'll only lead to more trauma, but they don't know that. Rei will try to help Toki up to his feet. Ananke and Zhn are still out as a precaution, but they stick back to let Rei lead. ]
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Okay.
[Toki trusts in Rei to pick the right door.]
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"Niko-chan? We have something for you."
[ It's a woman's voice. She speaks from Toki's right, but directed towards the bed. There is soft rustling as the person in the bed moves and a small freak of the bed as they sit up. ]
no subject
It must be important if he has it. Toki used to paint, and he does think of a paintbrush when he first feels that end. It's softer, though, like it would flop over easily if trying to paint anything with it; not stiff enough. But somehow it feels very familiar, the texture and the way it glides over his fingers. He doesn't move right away, and the woman speaks before he finds the bed.
Niko. Toki's hand curls tighter around what he thinks is a piece of Rei's hair. Apart from running his hands through the hair she has now, he'd also touched the lock with the morgue key on it when he and 45 went into Rei's Shadow dungeon. The squeaky wheels make sense now. It's a hospital. Toki finally reaches out towards the bed when he hears Rei, or Niko, there.]
Rei?
[Whatever memories she has of this place, they can't be good. Not if her mind made a dungeon of it.]
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... what is it?
[ It's Rei's voice, flat and tired. There's not a hint of energy or emotion that she normally carries, whether it's positive or negative. It's just like how it was in her dungeon, like how it with Niko. It's not clear whether or not she's replying to Toki or the woman, but the latter assumes that it's her. ]
"We saved you a lock of your hair, while it was still long and pretty. We thought it might cheer you up."
[ The woman nudges Toki with her foot again. He has the hair. He has to present it to Rei. ]
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He doesn't want to give that hair to her. It was in the dungeon, this is something that hurt her, this moment. But if it's like what just happened to him, Rei can't escape this until it's over, and he won't draw it out.]
Rei.. Niko, I...
[His steps are slow, and he trails one hand along the side of the bed until he reaches her. Toki holds out the hair somewhere in front of Rei.]
I'm sorry.
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... why...
[ It's soft, almost impossible to hear, but her voice quickly explodes into anger. Bitter and accusatory anger as she grips the blankets with whatever little strength and energy she has left. She directs her fury at the one closest to her, at Toki. ]
Why would you do this to me?! Do you hate me?!
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No! I didn't- I didn't do this, I... I love you!
[He failed.]
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[ "No, we just thought that you'd like something to remember--" ]
Liar! You don't care about me! You never did!
[ Niko's life was filled with nothing but misery, hate, and jealousy. Unlike Rei, who spent most of her existence smiling and laughing and learning to love life, Niko spent most of her days screaming and being bitter towards everyone and everything. Even towards those who tried to help her, she lashed out and pushed them away. As a child, she was kinder and more hopeful about her situation, but as she grew older, she lost those qualities and became nothing but resentful and spiteful. ]
"Niko-chan, we--"
Get out! I don't want to ever see you again!
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Even if he was, he can't. Toki tentatively reaches out for Niko, not expecting it to do any good and maybe she'd hit him, but he can't just leave when she's upset.]
I won't get out! You can't make me leave you! I... I know you're hurt and sad and maybe everything feels hopeless, but... you have a future!
[Though there's emotion and truth in it, it may ring hollow and fake to Niko; a placating promise of a good end when she knows otherwise.]
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[ In the memory, back when this happened, Niko cried for the rest of the night. They had to shave off her hair, the only thing that she was proud to have, for surgery. That wasn't even a guarantee that the operation would go well or if it'd work, but the doctor said that he was the best so what little choice did she have? She wanted so desperately to leave that she'd even take any chances, but she still had the right to mourn over her hair. The nurses thought saving a bit of it would cheer her up so she could have hope that she can grow it out again after the surgery and that it'd be just as long and beautiful as it was before but it only reminded her of another thing that she lost in her life. In the end, she was never able to throw it away and kept it until she died a few days later. She cried profusely. ]
[ But Rei isn't crying for those exact same reasons right now. It hurts, of course, to relive one of her lowest moments and go through those ugly feelings once again, but it hurts so much more that she's forced to take out her old anger on Toki. He hasn't done anything wrong. He's just an innocent bystander, just like how she was when she had to go through his memories. She wishes that she could stop, but she can't, not even when he's trying so hard. Rather than being able to take his hand, she slaps it away instead. ]
I said get out! Leave me alone!
[ The woman, one of the nurses, steps in and places a hand on Toki's arm. She whispers. ]
"Let's go."
[ Toki won't be able to stay. He'll find himself being forced to leave, gently pulled away from the bed. ]
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[ Toki is rooted to a singular spot. He can move his head and speak, but everything else is frozen. He arrived in the middle of a memory with a conversation that had already started minutes ago. Rei speaks. ]
"You can do it, Niko-chan"... I... thought I did my best. But I wonder if I had to try harder...
[ Her voice is sullen and defeated. She's nearby, somewhere in front of Toki, but steps away. If not for the silence for the building, it may have been impossible to hear her. ]
... "In peace..." That's so cruel when she's still alive... I bet... I bet she's laughing, happy to be alive...!
[ Her voice begins to twist into that same shade of anger and bitterness in the hospital room, but with a heavy undertone of anguish. The sound of a sheet of paper being crumpled up is heard. ]
It's not fair! Why only me?! Why was I born?! Why... Why did I have to be born?! I have nothing! No friends, no parents, not even my health! I prayed to God every day and not one prayer was granted! Why do I even exist?! What was the point of my life...?!
[ Loud thumps echo throughout the hallway as she falls to the ground, on her knees and hands, hysterically crying. Zen was able to say absolutely nothing to comfort her, nothing to apologize for pushing her to her limit. He was unable to come up with an answer to her questions, only letting her sob on the floor as he stood and watched. Toki may speak and give her what Zen could not, but it wouldn't matter. Even if this wasn't a memory and she wasn't reenacting what happened previously, she was too far gone to listen. ]
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This time, the emotions in her voice only make Toki angry, wanting something or someone to blame for hurting her like this. The last words hit him hard; what was the point. Was. He still can't move, though he wants desperately to run to her.]
Rei!
[The possibility that she died is something he can't bear to think about right now, so he focuses on the rest of it. Maybe none of it will help, and this is all so confusing. He tries to be heard over her sobbing.]
You... You exist because you were meant to! I know sometimes that it's hard to think that you have a place in the world when it's never given you anything but pain! I used to think there was nothing too! No reason for anything! But it's not true! It's not fair, for one person to go through so much, but it- it makes every good moment worth more! And you don't know it now, but you'll have things that make you happy! People who love you! Your life isn't pointless! You weren't a mistake!
[He's not sure what he's going for by the end, because the thought he tried to push away keeps coming back. Rei, Niko, died. She's dead.]
cw: eye gore and suicidal intentions...
[ It's a few seconds before any sort of noise can be heard again and it's the creaking of old floor tiles as she sits up onto her knees. There's a hitch in her breath and her voice returns back to its quiet and emotionless tone. ]
... Thank you, Mr. Death. For showing me this place. But I didn't want to see it. Everyone else gets to come here every day, but I... I'm going to die alone...
[ But yet again, she descends into a loud hysteria. A wild rush of desperation and pleading mixes in and she finally breaks. ]
This is too cruel! That's enough... I've had enough! Hurry up and kill me! Take me away right now! I don't want to see this anymore...!!
[ Toki will find himself able to now move, but the moment that he's unfrozen, Rei has already put her hands to her face. Her method of gouging out her eyes is far more animalistic than Toki's. She doesn't care about removing them. They can stay in for all she cares. She just doesn't want to see this school or Zen, the person that Toki replaced, anymore. She'll claw and dig and crush until they're nothing but mangled pieces of irreparable organs. Then, she'll find a way to kill herself. She's nothing but a soul, but a soul can still be harmed. It can still return to the sea battered and injured and if Death refuses to take her, she'll do whatever it takes to ensure that her soul will be broken beyond repair. ]
[ Zen only managed to stop her rampage by stealing her memories, giving her no reason to maim and kill herself. That's how Rei was born, after everything that made her Niko was taken away for twelve years. ]
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Rei, no, please!
[He's crying already, and trying to pull her hands away from her eyes. What's left of them. The knowledge that this actually happened, that this was Rei's life before Hirajiro; it's too much. He wasn't supposed to know about this.]
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T... Tokidoki...
[ She's still sobbing, tears mixed in with blood, but the fight in her is gone. She doesn't resist his hands around her wrist and instead, her arms go dead. For the first time since they entered through the wrong door, she addresses him properly. The stairs leading up glow a faint blue, but neither of them will know that. She can't see and she has so many regrets. She doesn't have any more energy in her to do anything else but limply kneel on the floor. ]
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He releases her wrists, and pulls her close into a hug. It can't help at all, but he needs to feel her, to know she's still here, even a little. It's over, isn't it? There should be a door. For the first time in Rei's memory, Toki remembers Joroko and tries to summon her now to tell them how to get out.]
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"I'll take you to the door, Toki."
[Toki nods, but he doesn't move to get up. He can't pick up Rei while he's kneeling, and might drop her on the way to the door. Joroko sighs, but it's not one of exasperation, only sadness. She gathers them in a web net and slowly drags it to the door. It opens and they continue into the dungeon hallway.]
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[ Bye, Toki, see you in jail in... 24 hours. ]